UoP BUCS Roundup - 19 February
‘I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine – Bruce Lee’
‘There is no wine if grapes are not pressed. No perfume if flowers are not crushed. So don’t be afraid if there are pressures in your life that will bring the best out of you – Anon’
I am stat I am:
Last week the Pompey Justice League recorded a 61% Win Ratio, and after a fixture schedule hugely affected by the weather Pompey saw this figure dip to a wet and windy – 52% Win Ratio. With tough conditions and some high profile fixtures against some quality opponents, it was a tough week for some of our clubs, but for every cloud there was also a resounding silver lining, flecked with lashes of glorious lightning! At Home over the weekend and yesterday Pompey recorded a 56% Win Ratio, and away from home Pompey ran out with a 50% Win Ratio, for the second week running. We can still boast a 61% Overall Win Ratio, for the season, which again stands us in grand stead as we head into the run-in. This has been a magnificent season overall and with so much still to play for there is still a buzz, the size of a giant bumblebee around the place at just what is possible as Pompey go in collective search of silverware and celebrate huge Individual honours, including qualification for EUSA 2020 for Emily Niven [Judo] & Rochelle Walters [Karate] after their magnificent exploits in Sheffield at the weekend!
Stat’s your lot on the numbers, so here are the highlight from yesterday –
The 2’s secured the win they needed against neighbours Chichester 2nds at St. Paul’s, 56-32 to extend their lead at the top to an unassailable 9 points and clinch the SE3A Title. Annabelle Couchman was once again in superb form with 40 points, ably assisted by Player of the Match, Cat Sonkur  and Caitlin Johnson  to secure the win for the home side. Captain Kris Buckingham again led the way topping the Tips with 9 from Captain’s Player of the Match, Alex Wilford & Mia Scott  Couchman  Johnson, Sonkur & Evie Harris-Jenkins  and Emily King . Intercepts were also headed up by Buckingham with 6 from Couchman & Scott  Wilford & Harris-Jenkins  and Johnson & Sonkur . Rebounds were again headed up by Buckingham & Couchman  from Scott  and Johnson & Wilford  as Pompey claimed yet another win in their final home game of the season. This was incredibly, their 9th win from 9 and they will look to make it a perfect 10 when they travel to Reading 2nds on the 4th March. Congratulations go to the team on a phenomenal season and on clinching that promotion to Tier 2.
The 4ths were superb as they battled not only Brunel but Storm Dennis as they put in a professional performance in horrendous conditions to come out 44-12 winners yesterday. Hannah Nash with 20 points, Freya Marlow with 14 and Sarah Exall with 10, put Pompey in command and ensured they continue to push leaders Surrey 3rds all the way to the wire in the SE5A Title race. Next up the 4’s travel to Chichester 3rds on the 26th of February before they play host to Surrey 3rds in the final match of the season on the 4th March, which is sure to be an absolute thriller!
The 5ths made it 8 wins from 8 with a clinical 77-12 victory over New Bucks 1sts in their final home match of the season at St. Paul’s. Captain, El Hayes continued her excellent season with 44 points at a success rate of 85%, whilst Captain’s Player of the Match, Daisy Bennett was in superb form with 33 points at a success rate of 91%, as Pompey cruised to victory. Here are the Defensive stats for the 5’s from yesterday –
Anja Owona Okou – 6 interceptions, 4 tips
Daisy McVicar – 4 interceptions, 5 tips
Zelal Nacak – 3 interceptions, 15 tips
Maria Wathen – 4 interceptions, 8 tips
Anya Butler – 2 interceptions, 5 tips
Ellie Walton – 1 interceptions, 7 tips
Freyan Khambatta – 3 interceptions, 2 tips
Daisy Bennett – 3 interceptions, 3 tips
El Hayes – 2 interceptions, 6 tips
Zelal Nacak was awarded the Player of the Match award.
They now sit 3 points clear of Reading in 2nd place, and will need to continue their excellent form all the way to the end of the season, to secure the title and promotion to Tier 5. They finish with two away trips
to Chichester 4ths in a fortnight, and then to Reading 3rds, with the title on the line on the 18th of March. It’s going to be a fitting and thrilling finale!
It’s congratulations also to Women’s 2nds who secured an excellent 4-0 win away at mid-table Holloway to send them 10 points clear at the top of SE4A and clinch the title. Vice Captain, Isabelle Smith made it 10 goals for the season as she bagged a hat-trick and first year, Issy Sellers got the other goal on the day. Captain Lucy Lee chipped in with 2 assists along with one from Nina Hammond, with the Player of the Match award going to Satara Newman, as Pompey clinched a vital win to seal promotion to Tier 3. A magnificent season for Lucy Lee and her team, with 8 wins from 9 matches, culminates on March 4th when they host second in the table King’s College 4ths, as the 2’s look to sign off in style!
Men’s 2nds also won on the road at Imperial and returned to Pompey with a 4-2 victory that sees them pull away from the foot of the table, going 4 points clear of bottom side, UCL 3rds. One more win should see Pompey safe to retain their 3rd Tier status and they will have Home advantage for both of their final matches, as they welcome Reading to Langstone on the 4th March and Surrey on the 18th. A great win for the 2’s, just when they needed it most!
It’s fantastic news for Women’s Rugby 1sts, who travelled to UCL yesterday in their Conference Cup Semi Final and secured a memorable 36-17 win to send them through to the Final, and a Home Final at that, where they will face the winner of the Kent 1sts or King’s College 2nds tie on the 11th March on the 3G at Langstone. A superb achievement with the team suffering multiple injuries and absences and having to play uncontested scrums without a front row. Next for the 1’s is a trip to Reading 1sts in the league as they look to keep the pressure on Brunel 1sts at the top, before the two lock horns in a much awaited encounter in March.
Congratulations to Men’s Rugby 3rds who were awarded victory in the Semi Final of the Conference Plate by Reading 3rds to see them progress to the Final! Wins against Hertfordshire 2nds, Portsmouth 3rds, UCFB (Wembley) and now Reading sees them take on the winners of St. Mary’s 2nds or Kent 3rds in a Home Final to be played at Langstone on March 11th. The Tier 4 side sitting 2nd in the table to St. Mary’s will be hoping they can use Home advantage to snap up some silverware next month, but until then they return to league action when they welcome the very same Reading 3rds outfit to Langstone next week.
Women’s 1sts got back on track with an impressive 5-3 Home win against Sussex 1sts at Spinnaker yesterday to send them into 2nd in an incredibly tight SE2A. Player of the Match, Michelle Lau & Cynthia Sathiyarajan won all 4 singles matches in straight sets, which proved to be the difference between the sides with Katharyn Wataranan & Weishan Low earning a crucial win in the Doubles to secure the win for the hosts. With 2 matches to play, St. George’s sit top on 16 points with Pompey on 15, Sussex 13 and St. Mary’s on 12. This incredible title battle is now sure to go down to the wire with Pompey knowing that 2 wins from their 2 final matches will see them crowned Champions. They travel to Sussex 1sts next Wednesday before they host leaders St. George’s 1sts on March 4th at Spinnaker. Join us next week to see how they get on as this extraordinary story unfolds.
Men’s 1sts came out comfortably on top in the all-Portsmouth Tier 3 encounter, as they took another massive step towards clinching the league title and that much sought after promotion into the second Tier. They ran out 98-55 winners with Aaron Berida leading the way with 22 points, from Finleigh Porter with 17, Temi Olorunsola  Thomas Austin & Alex Grant  Andres Aguado Basso  Judah Johnson  and Lukas Tamosauskas  to leave them in pole position with one game to go. It’s a near certainty that Kingston 1sts will push Pompey all the way, but a win at Home on March 4th against New Bucks 1sts at Spinnaker will send the 1’s up and clinch the title.
Men’s 2nds produced an excellent performance on the road as they got the better of opponents Brighton 2nds to secure the 3 points with a 2-0 win. Olly Eales capped his Man of the Match display with a goal and Azeez Eleguishi was on hand to grab the other as Pompey claimed maximum points to leapfrog their opponents into 2nd in the table, behind runaway winners St. Mary’s 2nds. Their last two matches are against bottom of the table Kingston 1sts starting with a trip to the capital next week.
Men’s 5ths were in stunning form as they trounced Medway 8-1 on the 3G at Langstone to keep the pressure on Kingston 2nds at the top of Tier 6 and leapfrog their rivals to jump into Top Spot. This one is going to the wire but is going to come down to the two matches between the teams at Kingston 2nds on the 26th February and at Langstone on the 4th March. Two wins from two here would see Pompey take the title, so again we’re in for a thrilling end of season finale!
Portsmouth 1’s finished 2nd in the Team Event in their F20 Mini League encounter at Southampton yesterday, with Grace Lee finishing in 8th, Sorcha White 7th and Emily Weeks in 4th in the Individual Competition.
And finally this week, here’s some fantastic breaking news from the World of Sailing, as ever brought to you by Commodore, Hebe Hemming
The team headed for Oxford early Saturday morning, to be greeted by strong winds, courtesy of storm Ciara. A long day of waiting ashore resulted in us finishing Saturday with no races completed. Come Sunday morning we were straight out on the water and a total of sixty races were completed. Our team completed six races winning four of out the six. Beating Surrey, Imperial, Oxford 2’s and Solent. Unfortunately only completing 60 races was not enough overall for a fair qualifying series. This meant that this weekend just gone, the team headed to Oxford for another day of racing, this time the team were met by Storm Dennis and only managed another 5 races. The team completed one race against Oxford 1’s sadly losing but a close race nevertheless.
Yesterday, it was confirmed that the team finished 7th overall, confirming a place at playoffs which is in two weeks time. Congratulations to the team as this is the first time Portsmouth has made it to playoffs in four years!!
Congratulations to Sailing on this brilliant achievement to secure Pompey yet more BUCS Points, and congrats to all our league winners and Cup Finalists – it’s going to be a thrilling run in, but until then, here’s something completely unrelated.
Completely unrelated fact of the day:
An ode to Bob Mortimer –
Did you know that Bob Mortimer is the funniest guy alive!? I spoke to a couple of students the other day who’d never heard of him, and the guy at the kebab van! (although the students in question had heard of the guy at the kebab van, but the guy at the kebab van hadn’t heard of Bob Mortimer, and I can only imagine Bob Mortimer hasn’t heard of them, I hope that’s clear) so imagine my dismay, go on imagine it! Yes, see, that’s dismal isn’t it!? So, as an act of general all round decency and indeed civic duty I must enlighten the uninitiated at once!
From his potently idiotic double act with Vic Reeves, from ‘Big Night Out’ to ‘Shooting Stars’ – ‘The Smell of Reeves & Mortimer’ -‘House of Fools’ with the brilliant Matt Berry, to scene-stealing appearances on panel shows, specifically – ‘Would I Lie To You’ – to the absurdly genius – Mortimer & Whitehouse: Gone Fishing, that guy has been making the world laugh for aeons!
Most people, with the exception of the students in question, kebab van man and possibly the odd hermit, would have seen or at least been aware of his brilliant ‘Train Guy’ parody on Twitter – please check it out, if you haven’t already whilst you’re having your morning campachoochoo, but probably less known, would be his Football themed Podcast ‘Athletico Mince’ – and his take on Peter Beardsley as a Glum Comedian – here’s a highlight reel to whet your appetite and tweak your funny bone!
‘I went into a pet shop and asked if I could buy a goldfish. The bloke asked if I wanted an aquarium. I said I don’t care what star sign it is.’
‘I went in the shop and said can someone sell me a kettle. The bloke said Kenwood. I said where’s he then?’
‘I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener, I said you don’t need a tin opener for a banana he said no this is for f****** custard.’
‘I went to the doctors and said I’ve got a problem, I always have a dump every morning at 6 o’clock. He said what’s the problem with that. I said I don’t get up until 8:30.’
I’ve always been a fan of silly comedy – the stuff that makes you laugh that comes not at the expense of others – just plain daft stuff, just like me! So if that’s your comedy bag, please look into the aforementioned back catalogue and may we all live with just a little Bob Mortimer genius to keep us grounded and giggling at a world that is far too serious for most human sensibilities…